Pretty Evolved
I’d always thought I was pretty evolved.
Most of the problems I’d got had been solved.
Went to school, joined the hive, got myself a
nine-to-five
Bought a pool—I had arrived. What do you mean I’m not alive?
But then one night I was guarding the teevee
Had me a fright—the real heebie-jeebies
This guy comes on, sayin’ he’s a mystic
I said, “Come on, be realistic”
He says, “No, man, this shit’s real.
Hold out your hand—I’ll teach you to feel.”
I said, “What the hell, I’ve got nothing to fear
It’s all just as well, and there’s plenty of beer.”
But what happened next, man, that
was the best.
It was better than sex, and drugs, and the rest
I heard this sound through the whole of my chest
My purpose was found:
I’d go on a quest.
I called up my sister, my mother, my paw,
Said, “If you could just see this brother I saw…
Anyway, hey y’all, what I’ve got to say is,
I’m off to
I can’t go on missing this journey of spirit.
I just learned to listen, now
I’ve got to hear it.”
I trekked up and down mountains, never once stopping
Searching for fountains of youth, spirit shopping
I met gurus and brahmins and
swamis and lamas
I was doing pranayamas and wearing pajamas!
I learned aspiration.
I tried meditation.
I just had to leave this karmic way-station.
I’d cultivate patience for elucidation
Of this inundation of hallucinations
I saw dancing monkeys and talking trees
But nothing so funky as the pain in my knees
Nine-legged fishes splasing through infinity—
You’re telling me this is the path to equanimity?
Staring at dots and never once blinking
Controlling my thoughts without even thinking?
I did yoga, wore togas, I lived in pagodas
Started talking like yoda. Even stopped drinking sodas.
My body was pure.
My mind was at ease
Samadhi assured me a blindness reprieve
My chakras were glowing. My aura was growing.
Revelations were flowing with no signs of slowing
Getting all ready to blow this Samsara
Feeling all heady in old Sahasrara
When who do you know, appearing to me
But the guy from the show, the dude from teevee!
Said, “Slow down, son, I’ve something to tell
You’ve had some good fun, but life is a spell
You’ve been a good sport, but you’re dreaming, I fear.
Get up, off the floor.
You should finish your beer.